(no subject)

Is livejournal being slow for anyone else? bizarre.

Well...let's hear a YAY for lazy saturdays! Just got out of the shower and trying to decide whether putting on clothes is my best option and venturing to the city, or if I am just content sitting here all day.

I think I'm choosing the first option...even though naked computing sounds fun.

Last night was Harry Potter IMAX with the MovieBears. A BIG thanks to dhbearguy for setting the whole thing up as usual. 100+ bears showed up! CRAZY!
I though the movie was excellent and that the special effects were orgasmically stunning.

Here comes the "Richard internal struggle of the moment" section of my post.

So I had a wonderful first date with a great guy. Now I am just left with all sorts of questions.
Questions that now that I am typing, I'm not sure I want to post about. I'm afraid because since they are just text on a screen, they might come across as creepy, and make me out to be some stalker, as opposed to just curious and excited/nervous to find out the answers.
I'm just dealing with feelings I've never had before.

The following brief dating history comment should be read with caution for it may appear that I am self centered and think very highly of myself...which is so not true.
All the people I've dated I have known they were crazy about me right of the bat (some I just didn't know were just plain CRAZY). Either they were really affectionate, or they just flat out told me so. I've never had to guess about how someone felt about me, and most importantly I've never had to ask.

I'm left with this weird sense of self-doubt that I am reading too much into things, and getting my hopes up when they shouldn't.
I've always been the one in control about this sort of thing. It's all been the same pattern. Guy likes me, guy asks me out, I go on the date and see if there is an attraction, and then I decide whether I like the person and am interested in dating. I've never met anyone who's strayed from that path, and I've never had the balls to ask anyone out before.

I already know that I like him, I have for 2 months. And I already know that I am interested in dating him, and maybe eventually becoming serious. I knew that before the first date.
So for the first time in my life I am left on the other side of the fence and it scares the shit out of me.

And I shouldn't be scared because I should know not to lead with my heart.
Basically I am just waiting for the second date comfirmation.

please don't read much into this entry, I am just venting and confused. Mental rambling online always looks worse than it actually is.